It’s 03:03 hrs….

Sometimes as hard as you try.. or.. the harder you try to sleep the harder it gets!

People think, worry and fear things… anything from being late in the morning for work.. or about the way they look.. to the big spider that could be there in the dark.. maybe someone outside trying to take whats not theirs.. down to the old wiring setting the place on fire…

I’m laying (was… i’m typing this now) here with so many things going through my head… the main one (apart from not being asleep!!) is how i’m on fire (nerve pain) because my drugs are wearing off (the 22:00 hrs dose) and i feel twisted in bed, i’ve delt with this since Jan 2006 when i woke from my coma.

my consultant told me “you will never even roll in bed” (one of the many knock backs i’ve had) i do still feel slightly twisted.. but thats probably got something to do with the 27kg “baby tyler” in my bed (he’s sleeping so i wont wake him) but i do sleep on my side (my good side… they are both good!?!… my left side..) i have not only got back up right to type this.. but the baby is still sleeping! SO BOLLOCKS to those who think i wont - i will walk! every little goal needs to be seen along the way.. it all helps to drive me forward – it takes sooooo long tho – the strength i feel today is what i will use tomorrow to drive forward, faster, further each day

I stand using parallel bars and leg braces, also still using the standing chair to test my autonomic system, i can now work on the mats.. doing alot on the floor… any way! READ THE SITE TO FOLLOW MY PHYSIO, MY PROGRESS – UNTIL I WALK… i’m not worrying about the spiders, the burglars or being late anywhere…

I can’t stand not being able to do the things i want.. need or like..

I can’t breath some nights because my nasal cavities block up and my lungs aren’t strong enough (YET) to clear them.. sometimes… i can’t pick the simplest thing up… my brother Ross is about to be a dad, i wont trust myself to hold baby Lexi… i can’t…  soon i will, i’ll soon be fully ABLE

NOBODY KNOWS…

i do think about fire now alot more.. “how do i get out if there is one!!” – i’m hoping at the moment Tyler would carry me out..

We are in the process of building a house/gym for my independence and rehab.

This is never where i saw myself.. at the point of my accident i was looking into bying a 4 bedroom cave house in Spain…! life never turns out the way you want it to…

Everyone has their worries…

I died… my heart and lungs collapsed at the same time…they brought me back, i cant give up.. i wont give up

(i died a few times.. read my sisters diary, its at the top of the page.. “inside a coma”)

TIME IS WHAT WE ALL HAVE.. MAKE THE MOST OF YOURS

After some fresh air and a very muddy Tyler, back at home i completed a really good transfer with very good core stability

You need to take the good with the bad sometimes… or, take some good out of a bad situation. Today my physio was bad.. i felt weak, my arms and shoulders are aching, while standing my left leg kept buckling.. but stability was good and stamina is getting better, so while some things calm down others improve – i will keep going i will improve.. i will walk

9.12 miles on my bike.. as my legs get stronger the mileage that i do in the set time increases.. at a point the settings are then changed, this makes it harder for me and brings the distance covered back down.. so a record distance doesnt always mean its the best.. it just means it about to get harder! i followed my bike today with the isqueez to get the blood flowing, then a pint in the sun..

i’ve been knocked down, knocked back, held up.. (once even at gun point!) i’ve broke my wrist, cracked my head open twice, had my teeth re-built 6 times and broke my neck.. l’ve had money, lost money (a lot of times had no money) i was earning money (things were looking good…) then took a turn for the worse.. life can be really shit! but it just makes the good times feel better.. and the good thing about the human mind… it tends to (mainly) remember the good times. I’ve got back up before i can again

It’s going to take some time… but i will have my independence back! i’m not giving up..

Something people tend to dis-regard in there own homes

In my place especially, i have to rely on the actions of other people (these sometimes are a bit questionable) one of these masks would allow me to take action first hand and would give valued minutes in an emergency – take care and minimize the risk

Draeger Parat C Fire Escape Hood (fullmask)

I really really wish i hadn’t gone swimming on the 14th Dec 2006!

This morning, i did stretches, transfers and work on my autonomic system while in the standing chair, the same as previous sessions but things didn’t work to well.. every session can’t be good

 With my drugs my body has adjusted well now, if things stay as they are for this next week.. then i will take down my baclofen dose.. soon drug free – soon back to normal!

alexwillwalkagain

8.99 miles today, each day i use the FES..  i’ve decided to use the bike Monday to Friday, this will allow me to have a recovery period and maintain my muscle mass without over doing things, this doesn’t rule out Saturday or Sunday i’m going to intergrate my standing chair into it plus Saturday i have physio.