i’ve had a bad few days.. yesterday i had physio on the treadmill, for the first time my blood pressure dropped and we had to stop the session, this lead onto my eyes “being funny” and a migraine.. i feel better today, but i’m not going to over-do things (like i normally do), i’m just going out for some QT with Tyler in the boma

i’m on the treadmill in the morning, following this i will do either my leg or arm bike

everybody’s life is built while waiting for something!

I’m not the person i once was,

i AM the person that you now see,

every day builds who i am,

it’s 02:25hrs and i’m awake typing… i should be sleeping.. the need to do more with the life i’ve been given back grows with the hours through the night – forget the now.. bring on the future

i can’t move my legs… but when i think about moving them, or any other paralysed part of me.. i make it burn… it  feels like a fire all through me.. when i do it for my legs and feet (mostly my right) it “powers” up the using spinal reflex.. muscle memory… or fairy dust! i’m able to move once sometimes more.. but mostly the once.. using this “movement” i can turn myself in bed and it (sometimes) helps in transfers.. it’s called nerve pain

but pain is only telling you that your still alive

at times i need reminding…

thinking thing’s through today.. taking time to look at what i want… at what i need….

i NEED my independance

i WANT my legs and finger function..

i’m not getting anywhere sitting around thinking – i NEED to be doing something about it.. unfortunately… but at the same time thankfully… i want to give up.. but i just can’t – sitting here thinking typing…. driving me mad! un-able to move, i can’t do anything myself – i NEED someone to love to share my life with.. i WANT my “someone” (as with everyone) i wont find that someone until i can love myself first… i WONT… I CAN’T love myself like this… i NEED to have independence – i have to accept who i am – WHAT i am… but i don’t! with “who” i am – i WONT accept this…

everyone has issues.. everyone has problems… most can be resolved, some can be hidden or “brushed away” mine are in your face.. there all out there – i broke my neck and along with it went my heart! i CAN’T live like this.. i WONT! this is what fuels my fire, this is what drives me on… everyone try’s to create there own life… to be free – i’m trapped in this “open prison” (that they call SCI). atpresent there is no cure for my injury, who knows if there ever will… people say “we’re close” “we’re knocking on the door”.

i am “classed as quadriplegic” but have pushed myself holding on to the smallest thread of hope.. that one day i may be independent.. that things may improve… tomorrow i will get back on my bike, i’ll do another 18 miles, maintaining my blood circulation, bone density and muscle mass, keeping my legs in “working order” just in-case! in-case things improve with medical science.. with their research.. until then i have to.. i NEED to carry on

i already have pressed those medical boundaries further and beyond what “they” say is possible.. what can be achieved.. this is what i hang onto, i am my own inspiration i keep me going… read my story, see where i’ve come from

WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL BE

i’ve maintained my double sessions throughout, with a break yesterday for my muscles to recover, tomorrow i will be doing another 700 (assisted) steps on my treadmill.. lets see if theres much improvement??

slowly slowly.. but still forward

“I wonder if a lion feels the same when he first see’s them.. i just wanna pounce!”

i’m still doing double sessions on my leg bike, and now my tattoo is nearly all healed i’m back on the arm bike too, i’m also maintaining regular sessions with the isqueez foot/calf massager which really helps pump my blood around..

“IF ONLY… those must be the two saddest words in the world”

another double leg session today, tomorrow i’ll be on the treadmill… lets see if there is a difference since last time, i’ll continue with the double sessions for as long as possible

a double bike session then BBQ time

18 miles to buffness!