I’d like to go live in the woods (around here prodominantly oak trees), in a self contained cabin, with a log fire a small river running past with a boat upon it.

A nerve cell, the make up of it and natural design is like a little leafless oak tree… each cell talking to the next using biochemical signals through Nero pathways, the resulting signal drives its way down the spine like a little boat through the forest of trees to tell your body to move, feel… to live…

Each nerve cell another seed planted…

At point of injury I lost sight of the trees.. one fell across the river blocking the way, over time my mind closed in on itself and the river stayed blocked, I need the little woodland creatures to come help move this tree, one bear isn’t enough… maybe two?! A beaver might need to guide them through, but to take control of my own forest, to live free in the cabin by the river on my boat, alive.. In my dreams I’m free to move but in reality stuck… in a body unable to move!

Unable to move… but why! I have feeling throughout my body, those signals get past, why not motion too, motor function and sensation use the same river just two different boats, in September I stopped my pain meds gabapentin and baclofen, these prevent growth of the little seeds in my mind, slowing down the signals from my mind..

One thought that you think in the morning can change your whole day, a mood shift… sometimes a feeling so strong that you can think yourself to death… my neighbors died two months apart… their love for one another, one went then the other “had no purpose” so their thought process “they thought themselves to death”, it’s called “died of a broken heart”, the mind, the heart are powerful things… things no one really understands

I broke my neck, along with it my heart… everyone needs a purpose in life… I have yet to find mine

Since January I have suffered, suffered everyday and night, starting with pneumonia then nursing a pressure sore, stuck in bed on my side, shoulder, neck, legs and balls hurting because of weight bearing and maintaining pressure relief to my coccyx, almost healed… I find through the day my mind wonders…. (can you tell?)

Some people say “your strong”…. “you are an inspiration”

I feel like a scared little bitch, unable to do anything, mind and body hurting, stuck in my own mind going in circles, slowly going mad, dreaming of bears and beavers in a cabin on a boat in the woods!

In reality, I need to get the beaver to tell the bears to clear the rotten tree that blocks the river…. it’s rotting because I feel! I am paralysed c5/6 incomplete (incomplete means spinal column still intact, damaged but intact), if I feel.. there is no physical way that I shouldn’t be able to move!

Life is mindset, you shut yourself in your own mind closed in a little box, in your own little safety zone…

My mind is free, I’m going to open the little box inside my mind to release the crazy! Have an open mind, allow the bears to do their thing, directions from the beaver, re-map my mind, plant those seeds… now is the time

Nerve cells are the trees, the cabin – the box inside my mind, the river – my spine, the boat – the signals, sensation and motor function, I’m going to open the cabin door, plant some seeds and return to the life I’m ment to have…

I might have just lost the plot or I might just be seeing things clearer, my direction in life, to rethink my mind and find who I am inside.. I’m still here for a reason

I’m going to get hypnotised to guide my way into my mind to open the door on the mind I have inside, I’m going to think myself onto my feet